CDC issues new alert for new R1P1 Virus

*****URGENT*****

The CDC has released an urgent advisory to physicians and other healthcare providers warning about a cluster of small epidemics of a serious viral infection that has traditionally been a virus with relatively low virulence and with small, but characteristic spikes every 4 years or so.

Scientists from the CDC are calling this virus the R1P1 virus which is a politico virus that is similar to the polio virus in that it primarily infects the nervous system. Unlike the polio virus which primarily affects the peripheral nerves, the politico virus causes widespread damage in the brain manifested as chronic encephalopathy.

Infection with this virus causes a very characteristic syndrome characterized by a sudden and permanent loss of ability to engage in higher cognitive functioning or reasoning and patients affected are characteristically delusional and paranoid and engage in curious behavior including echolalia (the repetition of words or phrases by a patient of words addressed to him), obsessive rumination (repetitive regurgitation of inane phrases ), persistent dwelling in conspiratorial and paranoid thinking, and an obsessive and compulsive need to a-paul-ogize to radical Islam for American neo-nazi-fascism and intervention. The clinical syndrome is often referred to as pauli-encephalopathy and commonly called Ronpaulitis. It is very similar to another chronic brain-wasting disease (Mad Cow Disease) caused by a slow-virus and because of this similarity is often called “Mad Paul Disease”.

Researchers from the CDC are concerned about the increased incidence and virulence of this otherwise relatively harmless virus that in past years has infected relatively few people (less than 2-3%). The RP viruses are relatively common viruses and arise from a family of viruses called the "cult viruses", included in this family are the BO (B. Obamagotcha) virus, the DK (D. Koreshiae) and the JJ (J. Jonesensei) virus. Researchers at the CDC say they are not sure if it is a mutation in the virus from a R1P2 virus which is the most common variety to a new R1P1 virus, or if instead it is a relative decrease in host defenses brought on by concurrent infection of a similar virus called the BO virus. One researcher believes that the evidence supports a mutation rather than a general decrease in immunity in the population because of areas of sporadic epidemics in the US, such as Iowa, New Mexico, and Texas. While there is no cure for these viruses, researchers do say that they are preventable by engaging in common sense behaviors such as
thinking and avoiding certain books (The Revolution: A Manifesto, End The Fed, etc), documentaries (Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura), or movies such as George Orwell’s 1984 or JFK and the Manchurian Candidate. While, most people have a robust and natural defense against the negative and irrational cerebral influences of this genre of work, it is thought that exposure and infection to the R1N1 virus renders this natural defense weak or even non-existent.

Doctors at the CDC claim they are working on a vaccine for this virus, but do not expect to see a vaccine come to market until after November of 2012 at the soonest and caution that it may take several more decades before a cure or vaccine are found.

Doctors, healthcare workers, and the general public are asked to contact their local health departments and/or the CDC if they have become exposed to the virus or know of anyone that has. Since there is no cure, this would be strictly for demographic and research purposes. (From Neuter's Medical News Service)